Yesterday I experienced two things that brought about this spiraling of thoughts related to progress. I had decided to finally (after 5 years) organize my pictures on my computer. I don't even really know what I had in mind when setting out to this, so I just started scrolling.
I was taken aback by a sight I did not want to recognize! It was a picture of me, in my surgical oncologist's office, awaiting PET scan results...but I was UNDER his desk (my husband took this pic, which I did not appreciate at the time...AT ALL, but now, I'm grateful for it)...
When I saw this, I instantly felt sick, and shocked, and was jolted back to this awful time...which was the very beginning of my melanoma journey.
I remember the feelings so clearly...that of total fear, isolation, and impending doom. But, now, sitting here looking at this picture, I am given the opportunity to see (and I'm glad it's as concrete as a picture) how things have changed over time.
I still experience fear, of course. But today, I have faith and many others tools that help me through fear. As long as progress (slow as it may be) is happening, I am grateful. Perfection (or total lack of fear) is not my goal...as I know it's not very realistic...for me.
Not too long after encountering that picture, I happened upon an amazing creation on Facebook...that seemed to foster some clarity in this whole "growth" epiphany.
I saw this and realized that back THEN, I felt completely alone. And that NOW, I am happily connected to so much: faith, a melanoma community, family, doctors, etc. Life is so much better NOW!
So, every now and then, we are graced with the gift of seeing things in a "then and now" way, and for that I am thankful. Be open to seeing these gifts, as they can come in some unusual packages.
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress."